I hate you so why do I love you? a naruto fanfic
by anime-fan-willa
Summary: Starts as a break for InoShikaCho at the Naras land, but soon turns into an adventure when Ino is kidnaped by Hidan after accidentally freeing the S-class nin from the ground! Same story as my other w/ the same name but a little edited on one page not 3.


**I Hate You, So Why Do I Love You? **

**A Naruto Fanfiction **

Characters belong to Kishimoto and the Naruto Shippuden Series. I did not make them up. All rights reserved.

**Chapter 1-Antlers, Potato Chips, And Poor Chouji Who's Scarred For Life**

...

It was a bright and sunny day in Konoha. Things had been moving especially slow that day. Life was boring for a Konoha ninja lately. Nothing to really do but train.

Ino, Shikamaru, and Chouji were practicing throwing shuriken at moving targets, when Shikimaru suddenly turned to Ino.

"You know," he said "it's a total drag, but I'm going up to my family's woods this weekend and my mom said I had to bring at least two people up with me. Something about training… but anyways, you wanna come?"

"Why don't you ask Chouji?!" Ino said coolly.

Shikamaru sighed. "Maybe you didn't hear me. Mom said TWO people have to come along. Obviously, he's already coming."

Chouji gave her a wide smile. Ino rolled her eyes.

"So?" She said, "Why don't you ask someone else? I'm not your only friend you know."

Shikamaru threw a shuriken lazily at his target. Then he turned to Ino, "True, but since we're a team and all, I figure whatever stupid training my dad has in mind, teamwork should help us survive it. I don't work as well with anyone but you two. Besides," a small smirk crossed his lips "it's not like you've got anything better to do."

Chouji nearly chocked on his handful of barbeque chips. "Good one Shikamaru!"

Ino's face reddened. "FINE!" she hollered, "But just so you know, I could be spending time with ACTUAL boys!"

Shikamaru ignored the hidden insult. Instead, he simply raised one eyebrow, "Like who?"

"Um… Uh… Well…" She couldn't think of anyone. She was sixteen now, and ever since Sasuke had left the village, she didn't even try to get a boyfriend. "I don't know!" she said "But boys!"

Shikamaru chuckled. "Sure." He said, "So ya coming or not?" Ino threw a Kunai only to miss her target by nearly 10 whole feet "Yah yah!" She said, "I'll be there."

2 days later, team 10, along with Shikamaru's parents, reached the small wooden cabin on the outskirts of the woods. Ino started to unpack her things, Shikamaru's mom started cooking dinner, and his dad headed into the woods. While Shikamaru and Chouji lay in the grass, munching on potato chips.

When she was done, Ino went outside. She stood over Chouji, who was making loud snorting sounds, with crumbs all over his face. He was asleep.

"WAKE UP!" she yelled "WE STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT MR. NARA IS GONNA MAKE US DO YOU LAZY PIGS! WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO WATCH CLOUDS!"

Chouji opened his eyes slightly, only to realize he was lying directly under Ino's skirt.

"OH MY GOD!" He screamed, jolting upright "MY EYES! GOUGE 'EM OUT! THE HORROR! THE HORROR!"

Shikamaru stirred lazily, "Mmmm." He moaned, "Gimmi five more minutes…" Ino 's face turned a dark shade of crimson, "No!" she shouted, "Get up NOW!" Then, of course, she stomped on his gut.

"Ow!" He cried, "Alright! Alight! I'll get up! Yeesh! Women are so troublesome!"

Shikamaru rose to his feet, staggering into the cabin. Ino swore she could hear muffled curses under his breath.

A few hours later, Shikaku returned from the forest, holding 3 different pieces of antler, black and blue encircling his right eye.

Ino starred. Shikamaru rolled his eyes. And Chouji nonchalantly shoveled down more chips.

"These," he said, holding out his hard-earned achievements, "are antlers from 3 different deer." When no one said a word, he went into further detail. "You will each take one of these, and find the deer it matches. You will have exactly 4 hours to search our 600 acres of woods until you find the deer I broke the piece of antler off of. This will test your ability to gather information quickly and sufficiently." He looked at Shikamaru skeptically. "Also," he said, "I've carved a different number into each of the deer's hooves, so I'll know if you've cheated because you will each have to tell me your number." Shikamaru scoffed "What a drag…"

His father held out his arm, "Now everyone come up here and grab a piece of antler!"

Chouji was first, taking the shortest and fattest one in the Jounin's hand. Next was Ino, who took the thin, long antler. Last was Shikamaru, who reached out to take the last one, a plain piece, with no smaller parts branching of it. If he hadn't known better, he wouldn't easily thought it was just a stick.

"You have 4 hours." Shikaku said, "Starting… NOW!" And with that, team 10 was off.

**Chapter 2-OMG! A TALKING HOLE IN THE GROUND!**

…

40 minutes later, Ino and Chouji met in the woods. "Find yours yet?" Chouji asked, "No. You?" He gave her a huge smile "Yep! Pretty easy if you ask me!" Ino scowled. "What about Shikamaru?" "Oh he finished AGES ago!" He said, "That genius knew exactly where to look!"

"Figures."

"Mhm."

Ino looked away "Well see ya, Chouji! I'll finish up quick then catch, up, okay?" "Works for me!" Then they were both gone.

32 minutes and 15 angry deer later, Ino was still having bad luck. When finally, she came across some earth that looked slightly newer. She stopped, and bent down, touching the soil. Yes, it had definitely been upturned more recently then the rest. She was about to go, realizing that had absolutely nothing to do with the mission, when a hoarse voice called out to her. "HEY! IS ANYONE OUT THERE?!" Ino looked down at the dirt, wondering why in the world the ground was talking to her. "Um, hello?" She asked hesitantly, "OH THANK JASHIN! HE'S FINALLY SENT MY FUCKING SAVOUR!" "That's it!" Ino said, "I've finally lost it!"

"No, wait!"

"I know I'm gonna regret this, but what?"

"Could you maybe give me a fucking hand here? I've been trapped in this god damn whole for ages! I'm fucking starving, seriously."

"And just who are you, exactly? Your voice sounds familiar..."

"Who am I? WHO ARE YOU?"

"Answer my question if you ever wanna get out of there!"

"Fine, bitch! Lets see… Um… My name's… Um… Deidara? I was buried down here by… an avalanche?"

Unsatisfied, she tried to remember where she knew his voice from again, "Well, Deidara, what do you look like?" Suddenly, he recognized her voice, and realized the situation he was in. This required the utmost care and precision.

"Well…" He said, "I've got blonde hair, blue eyes, and I'm totally gorgeous." He snickered, thinking about what Deidara would say if he found out Hidan called him "gorgeous". Ino just rolled her eyes.

"What else?"

"Geez, bitch! What more do you want from me?! My credit card number?! My address?!"

"Yah." She said sarcastically, "Although a better description of your features would work too."

"Fine. I'm 6 foot 3 inches, I've got fair skin, and..." He tried to think of an attractive hobby, one that wasn't 'I like killing people and playing with clay in my spare time'. "I… Uh… surf?"

"Go on…" He could hear the intrigue in her voice. "Almost got her! Just one more push…" he thought. Then he spoke again, "I'm from the land of the moon and I'm LOADED! I'm pretty much royalty there. Seriously. But I got ambushed here by some thieves trying to steal my fucking huge amount of cash."

"Really?"

"Seriously." He turned on his charm, "Oh, if only there was someone who would set me free… I would pay 'em a bunch, and if they were a chic, I'd marry her for sure!"

Ino thought back to Shikamaru's doubtful words, "Like who?" He didn't think she could get a boyfriend, and her eyes lit up.

"Alright!" she said, "Look no further, Dei-Dei! I'll save you!"

"What the fuck?!" He thought, "Did she just call me, 'Dei-Dei'?!"

He repressed the urge to call her a 'dumb bitch' and instead said "Great! Seriously, thanks!"

**Chapter 3-Deidara's Freaking Female Twin**

…

Ino spent the next half-hour digging. When she had almost reached him, Hidan used the transformation-technique to change himself into the description he'd given Ino.

By the time she reached him, she found a man in 4 different pieces, but he matched Hidan's description perfectly, so she didn't realize who he actually was.

The first thing she saw was his face. "Wow." She thought, "He IS gorgeous." When Hidan saw Ino's face, though, and he didn't exactly have the same reaction…

"Shit! Speaking of Deidara… This girl could be his fucking twin!" He thought.

Then she uncovered the rest of him.

"Oh my god!" She cried, "Look at you! How the hell are you still alive?!" She bent down carefully, and pulled out each of his pieces from the hole, setting them down gently on the freshly dug up dirt beside her.

"Um… I took a immortality potion before coming here?"

Ino looked into his beautiful blue eyes, and was dazed. "Whoa…" She giggled.

"This girl…" He thought, "Is seriously fucking stupid."

Ino spent the next hour and a half sewing Hidan back up, and wrapping cloth bandages around his wounds.

Before she began, both his arms were still mostly intact, and attached to his chest, but his right arm was hanging on by only half of itself, so even though he could still move it, if he tried to lift it over his head, Hidan guessed it would probably tear off. His head was detached from his body, and his legs were each separate, too.

He wasn't in any condition to fight, or even move. Over all, he was a mess. But by the time Ino had done her basic procedures on him, Hidan was standing on his own. And after that, she used her medical ninjutsu, which healed him nearly completely!

Much to his surprise, she was a really talented medical ninja.

He was almost at full strength by the time she was done with him.

"Shit! You're good!" he finally said, it was the first thing he'd told her since she started to save him.

She grinned "And the things I gave you for the pain should help too." "Oh?" "And the ointment I applied to your wounds should ensure a bacteria-free recovery!"

He looked down at her. "Fuck." He said, "You're being too modest. I wouldn't be anywhere near this if it weren't for you being a fucking talented medical nin. Seriously."

Ino blushed. "Oh! It was nothing…" she looked down at her feet, arms behind her back.

"No it was!" he said, "It means a lot! We just met and already you're helping me!"

Hidan tensed his muscle, and made a fist, then he punched the air repeatedly.

"Well," he said, "looks like I'm almost up to full strength again! This is fucking amazing! I swear. Jashin-Sama must've sent you as a 'thank-you' gift for all my hard work! You saving me… It was a fucking miracle!" Ino's blush deepened.

"Aw!" she said again.

Hidan kicked the air. "Hm." He smirked "too bad I don't know what to do with you now… I was gonna kill you, but if Jashin-Sama sent you then It'd be a fuckin' big mistake. Plus, you did save me from rotting away down there like that shit head atheist wanted me to…"

Ino looked confused, scared, and a little angry at the same time. "Kill me?!" She said, "I thought you were gonna marry me!"

Hidan broke out into hysterical laughter. "RIGHT!" He howled, "Like I would ever marry YOU! You're like Deidara's fucking clone or something! And that guy pisses me off! Seriously!"

"WHAT?!"

Hidan saw the confusion in her eyes. "Oh!" He said, "That's right!" and with that, he made a hand sign, and turned back into himself.

"YOU!"

"Me."

"Y-Y-You're…"

"I'm…?"

Her confussion and fear abruptly changed to raging anger. "YOU'RE THE BEASTARD WHO KILLED ASUMA!"

Ino took out a kunai and lunged at him, screaming, "SINCE SHIKAMARU DIDN'T FINISH YOU, I WILL!"

Hidan laughed, "Please." Catching her wrist, he yanked the Kunai out of her hand. Then he hit her on the back of her neck, and slung her over his right shoulder. "Geez… I guess I have to take you back to head quarters until I figure out what the fuck to do with you…"

Then he walked off. Ino was unconscious, and slung over his shoulder, as they began heading back to the Akatsuki territory. He smiled "Hope those cock suckers didn't miss me too much."

(End of chapter 3!!! Please review and try to keep the negative comments to a minimum? Thanks ^__^ I'll try to get chapter 4+ out as soon as I can!)

**Chapter 4-What A Drag. Failing At a Simple Task**

…

It was 3 in the after noon, and Chouji, Shikamaru, and Shikaku, were all waiting for Ino. It had been too long. Way too long.

"What a drag. How could she fail such a simple task?" Shikamaru said, putting his hands behind his head "She's already an hour late. How much longer to we have to wait for her, Pop"

"Maybe *munch* she got *munch* lost?"

The Jounin looked at the two boys, "No." he said, "This is too reckless. Ino would never be this late."

"Should we *munch* go looking for her?"

"Yah, Chouji. Let's go boys!"

"Ug. What a drag…"

Shikamaru, Shikaku, and Chouji all split up, searching for Ino's footprints. Shikamaru was the first to find the trail, and sent up fire flair, alerting his father and friend of his location. Soon, they had caught up to him, and were all following Ino's footprints together.

Eventually, they found the spot where her footprints ended. Her bag of ninja tools, Medical supplies, and weapons was tossed next to a huge whole in the ground. Shikamaru's eyes widened when he realized what spot they were in.

"What's wrong, Son?"

"Yah, Shikamaru, you okay?"

"T-This…" He began, "This is the spot where I buried Hidan…" Chouji's eyes widened too, as he realized both the enemy and their friend were gone, leaving only one set of footprints behind, which were far too large to be Ino's.

"You think He's got Ino?!"

Shikamaru jumped down from the tree he was perched on, and bent down.

"See this?" he said, pointing to skid-marks on the ground, "someone was picked up." Then he pointed to another spot, "and here, the relaxed footprints change to the ones of someone who's running." He stood up, and pointed to the one remaining set of footprints, "And these are unmistakably Hidan's footprints." He closed his eyes for a moment, and then thrust out his right hand, forcefully hitting the tree next to him, "DAMN IT!"

Chouji took a step forward, "Shikamaru…" he began, "What should we do?"

It was Shikamaru's father who answered, walking up to the boys. "There's only one thing we can do. We have to go after her. But not now."

Chouji spun around "WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOT NOW? THAT BASTARD KILLED ASUMA! HE COULD KILL INO TOO! AND BESIDES WE CAN'T JUS—"

"Shut up, Chouji. Pop's right."

"Shi-Shikamaru?"

"If we go now, there's no telling what lies ahead. We'll need back up if we want any chance of defeating the Akatsuki. There are still more, and we don't know how many of them are where Hidan is going… we'll need powerful Jounin if we want any chance of getting Ino back."

His father smiled. "Exactly."

Shikamaru turned around, "Dad," he said "Call Inoichi Yamanaka and Choza Akimichi. We'll need your team, and ours if we wanna do this."

"Got it."

**Chapter 5-Waking Up To a Random Psycho Who For Some Unknown Reason Is Totally Naked **

…

Ino opened her eyes "Ug!" She said, raising her head, and rubbing her temple "What the hell just happened?!"

"So you're awake then?"

Ino abruptly sat up "YOU!" She screamed, pulling a kunai out from the leather band wrapped around her upper thigh. She jumped to her feet, feeling a sharp pain in her head and lower neck. "SHIT!" she yelled, as she started falling back down, grabbing frantically at the wall, but finding nothing to grip, ended up on her butt.

"Hey," Hidan said, "I wouldn't try standing for a while, seriously. You're gonna fucking hurt yourself." He turned his head away from her, muttering under his breath "dumb bitch."

Ino raised her head towards him, taking in her surroundings. It was only then that she realized exactly what she was looking at.

There, standing a few feet away from her was Hidan. And he was completely naked.

(I added that especially for you! enjoy that mental image, fangirls!)

"HOLY SHIT!" Ino cried, covering her eyes. "PUT SOME CLOTHS ON!"

Hidan looked down at her. "Dumb bitch!" he said, "This is my room so I'll dress however I fucking want! Seriously."

Ino scowled.

"Besides," he started, "I was about to take a fucking shower. I didn't think you were gonna wake up for AT LEAST another hour or two. Seriously."

There was a long pause, and neither of them spoke. Eventually, slightly curious, Ino spread her fingers slightly, peeking through the gaps up at him.

He was muscular, and his body was sweating. He was naked, but there was something coating large portions of his body, peeling at some places. It was, Ino realized upon closer inspection, blood?

Hidan noticed the young blonde was starring at him, scrutinizing his features.

"God!" he chuckled, "You little fucking pervert!"

Ino glared at him angrily, "Bastard…"

"Say what you want, bitch. But keep in mind YOU'RE the captive here, and the second I'm told Jashin-Sama doesn't mind if I kill you, you're dead. Seriously. So don't push it."

"What the hell do you even want from me?!"

"Honestly," the young Jashin-ist turned to her, "I'm not sure. I don't wanna kill you because you're my savor, and honestly, I think you're a gift from Jashin-Sama."

She raised an Eyebrow, "So why didn't you just leave me there, then? Why'd you bring me HERE?" she said skeptically, glancing around at the dimly lit, one-bed, room.

It was moldy, and cracks were lining the gray stonewalls.

She let out a soft squeak as a rat the size of a small dog scurried past her feet.

Hidan laughed.

"I keep you here," he said, "so you can't go running off to your little friends, crying to those atheist cocksuckers about how you accidentally helped an S-class criminal escape. It'd be trouble for both of us if you did."

"You're just scared that Shikamaru's gonna kick your ass again."

Hidan scoffed "Don't get too cocky. He only won because he used cheap tricks. Seriously. I won't fall for them again."

She rolled her eyes "Right."

It was only then that Ino realized she was wearing something different, too. Her Bandages were taken off, and a crimson-red slip gown replaced her usual purple outfit!

Covering herself with her arms, she shrieked "And just why the HELL am I wearing THIS?"

Hidan shifted uncomfortably. "Well," he began sheepishly, "I can't let the rest of Akatsuki know who you are, or they'll kill you for sure. Seriously. So for now, you're Ino Yamanaka, a fellow Jashin-ist."

She raised her eyebrows incredulously "You want ME to worship THAT TRAS—"

Before she could finish, Hidan was pinning her to the wall with his full weight, his hands pressing her wrists down by her sides.

"Don't you ever, EVER diss Jashin-Sama again!" he said. Then a small smirk crossed his face "or I WILL kill you."

Ino just stared at him, bewildered, until he got up, and walked over to his bed, finally putting his cloak back on.

"Come on, pet!" he said, "We've gotta introduce you to the gang!"

(POSSITIVE COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED!! AND IF YOU WANT SOMETHING TO HAPPEN IN THIS FIC, EMAIL ME! BUT REMEMBER, NEGITIVE COMMENTS REALLY AREN'T NESSASARY! QUITE HATTIN'! IF YA DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T READ IT. REALLY, IT'S NOT THAT HARD…)

**Chapter 6-Meet The Family. The Worst First Impressions In The History Of Ever**

…

Konan, Itachi, and Pain just stared at her, saying nothing, as Hidan and Ino entered the room, while Zetsu licked his lips, Tobi danced in circles, and Deidara just stared, mouth open, at his look-alike.

"This is Ino Yamanaka." Hidan said, "She's a fellow Jashin-ist. So she'll be staying with us for a while."

Zetsu looked disappointed, "So I can't eat her then?" one of his faces asked, "That's too bad" the other said "I haven't eaten a girl in ages…"

A bead of sweat dropped down the side of Ino's face.

Just then Tobi ran up to her "MY NAME'S TOBI! AND I'M A GOOD BOY! LET'S BE FRIENDS!" then he grabbed her, crushing her in an overly enthusiastic hug.

"HEY GET OFF ME!"

Hidan pulled the masked man off her, "Go away or I'll fucking kill you, seriously."

Tobi ran away screaming, "Oh no! Tobi is a good boy! I don't wanna die!"

"This is a waist of time." Itachi said, stalking off towards his room.

"You're absolutely right." Konan said calmly as she turned into paper and fluttered off down the hallway.

"I'm going now, too." Pain said, "Don't bother me again." and he left for his room.

Now it was just Hidan, Ino, and a really freaked out Deidara.

Sensing the tension between the two of them, Hidan decided it was time for him to go and make another sacrifice to Jashin-Sama.

"Well…" He said, "I'm gonna go now. Bye bitches!" then he was gone too.

Deidara's eye twitched, and Ino played with a strand of loose hair awkwardly.

Then, slowly, he approached her.

He was carefully checking out each little detail of her, wondering if she was what he would've looked like, had he been a girl.

The room was silent now, save for his shallow breaths. Finally, he said, "I'm Deidara. Un."

Ino's eyes widened, and she glared at him "OH YAH! RIGHT! Like I'm gonna fall for THAT again!" she yelled, "And lemme guess, you surf, right? And you're gonna marry me, too?! HA!" then she turned and stomped back to Hidan's room, leaving a confused Deidara standing there, wondering what the hell just happened.

"UN! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?"

**Chapter 7-If Inoichi Sees Red, A Chipmunk Will Die**

…

"Well," Choza said, thrusting 2 more shuriken into his satchel, "at least one good thing came of this!" Inoichi gave him a skeptical look, and Shikaku tied his hair up silently. When Choza got no reply from either, he took it upon himself to answer his own question.

"At lease," he continued, "the original Ino-Shika-Cho is back in action!

Shikaku smirked slightly, a satisfied grunt emanating from the back of his throat. "Well," he said, "if you put it that way, maybe then it's a good things Ino got kidnapped."

"Yah! You get it! There's always a silver lining on the cloud!"

"I was being sarcastic."

"Oh… my bad…"

"Stop fooling around and let's go!"

They both turned to see a very annoyed Inoichi, back facing them, heading out the door. When neither of them moved, he added, "or encase you've forgotten, my daughter's life is at stake you assholes!"

Inoichi never swore. When he did, especially at his two closest friends, it was a really bad sign. It either meant he had to deal with Ino's time-of-the-month, or someone he cared about was in danger.

Choza immediately regretted his joke.

"Sorry." He said, "let's go."

Inoichi didn't reply as he hurried through the door, Shikaku and Choza fallowing close behind.

It had been 12 hours since then, and the three Jounin still hadn't taken a break. Shikaku and Choza didn't dare ask for one, either, afraid Inoichi would get mad.

Since they left, though, the 3 had switched positions; thanks to the one time Shikaku had spoken since they left.

He had plainly pointed out, shortly after leaving, that the formation they were in made absolutely no sense.

Shikaku said that as the one most capable with strategies, he should be in the middle; sending orders back to Inoichi and up front to Choza.

Choza was in front because Shikaku said was the obvious choice for the spear-head, thanks to his quick takedowns that would save them time, and were much more useful in that situation then a temporary paralysis.

Then, he stated, Inoichi would hold up the rear. The reason for this was so he could only offer back up while fighting, and not be allowed to decide when to attack.

As Shikaku stated flatly, "In such an angry state he would attack a chipmunk if it crossed his path."

Choza repressed a snicker.

"And that," Shikaku said plainly, ignoring the soft chuckle, "would be about the least useful thing to do right now."

Choza and Inoichi had nodded, and still moving, the three switched positions. Even after all these years, it still amazed Choza that Shikaku always just said these complex things as if they were the most obvious facts on earth-as if he was trying to explain the alphabet to complete idiots.

A few meters behind them, Chouji snickered. Shikimaru looked ahead towards him. "What is it?" "It's nothing. Just déjà-vu."

**Chapter 8-Awkward Silence Is Preferable To A Tantrum **

…

It was dinner time, and Ino sat at the table with the rest of Akatsuki, awkwardly turning over her food, while simultaneously keeping an eye on each an every person (and person-ish) at the table, making sure they didn't try anything funny.

Neither Pain nor Konan was at the table with them. They never ate, as Hidan already explained to her, so their places were never even set.

Itachi slowly picked at a small pile of green beans.

Kisame violently ripped apart a steak.

Hidan loudly slurped his soup.

Zetsu was eating what looked like… Oh… my… god… a baby leg!

But Deidara was the most distracting of all.

He was carefully stacking and arranging little pieces of rice, sticking them together, and making figures out of them, before yelling "ART IS FLEATING!" and shoving his head into his creation, yelling "NOM NOM NOM!" as he attempted to gather rice in his mouth using only his face.

Then he came up with a sticky-rice beard, smiled innocently, and put yet another large portion of rice onto his place.

The process repeated itself. Over…and over… and over…

Itachi was the first to comment of Ino's lack of appetite.

"You." He said, "If you do not eat, you'll lose your strength. And you will need that once Hidan betrays you, and uses you for one of his meaningless rituals."

Ino raised a cautious eyebrow before speaking "Um… thanks?" she was almost asking him more then thanking him.

"Hn."

Hidan turned bright red.

"My rituals aren't meaningless, you cocksucker! They're for Jashin-Sama! One day when I go to heaven and you're fucking rotting in hell, who's gonna be fucking laughing then?! ME! NOT YOU! ME!" With that, Hidan turned over the table and stormed off back to his room, leaving food all over the floor.

Itachi's eyes glanced down at the mess, "How immature."

"Tee hee! Hidan-senpai reminds Tobi of a little kiddie!"

Ino stood up, glanced at a starving Zetsu who was eyeing her deviously, and ran away as fast as she could.

**Chapter 9-A Beautiful Sight**

…

Realizing that was her chance to escape, Ino turned the corner passed Hidan's room and towards what she hoped would be the exit.

But much to her dismay, leaning against the door was a half smug, half annoyed Hidan, arms folded across his chest, his violet eyes scrutinizing her.

"And just where do we think we're going, pet?"

"Home."

"Sorry but that's never gonna fucking happen. Seriously."

"Well what if you decide you don't wanna kill me? THEN will you let me go?"

"Probably not."

"Bastard."

"Bitch."

Ino scowled, then spun around and headed back towards Hidan's room.

Once inside, she tried to slam the door behind her, only to have it caught by Hidan before it could close.

It was nearly 10 at night, and Ino was ready to fall asleep. She'd had a busy day and she was exhausted.

She rubbed her eyes and tried to blink away the fogginess with no success.

Finally, she stumbled onto Hidan's bed, and quickly fell asleep.

Soon, Hidan came out of the shower, and saw Ino in his bed. "Damn bitch." He muttered, and walked towards her.

He reached out, about to lift her off and fling her onto the floor, when he looked at her face.

It was so… peaceful.

The way her silken locks of blonde hair fell onto her face, and her porcelain skin nearly glowed, even in the horrible lighting. And her crimson lips were beautiful against her pale skin.

The contrast reminded him of blood.

Her eyes were closed, and her breathing steady. He reached out, gently, and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

He turned around, and settled down on the cold, hard floor a few feet from her. "I must be fucking losing it." He said, and then he too closed his eyes.

A single tear rolled down Ino's cheek.

**Chapter 10-Waking Up In a Good Mood. Every Bathroom Has a Silver Lining. **

…

Ino yawned, and stretched her arms above her head.

She opened her eyes, and glanced down at her watch.

It was only 4 in the morning.

"Damn it!" she thought, "Why are missions always so damn early in the morning? Now I've gotten used to the schedule and I'll never be able to sleep in!"

She threw her legs over the side of the bed, only to notice Hidan was a few feet away from her on the floor. He was still sleeping, and sweetly, too.

Ino glanced between the bed and where he slept, curled up on the freezing stone floor.

Then she smiled.

"He didn't move me."

Getting up, she quietly walked into the bathroom and closed the door ever so cautiously behind her.

Once inside she took in her surroundings, disgusted.

There was one, slimy, moldy shower that obviously hadn't been cleaned for YEARS.

There was no sink, only a stool with a bucket and single toothbrush on top of it.

The toilet's seat was up, and, to Ino's dismay, its contents weren't flushed.

She decided she'd skip her morning routines that day.

But just as she was turning to leave, something in the bathroom cupboard caught her eye.

It was only opened a crack, but Ino could see something bright blue and yellow inside it.

She opened the door and smiled widely.

Hair-care products.

And tons of them, too.

After using his hairbrush, hair gel, shampoo and conditioner (yes, she had to use that bucket too since she washed her hair) Ino walked out of the room and towards the kitchen, satisfied.

"I think…" she thought, "I think I'll do something nice for him, too."

Reaching the kitchen, she yanked open the fridge. Surprisingly enough, it was full of good food, thanks to Deidara who was in charge of meals.

She took out the eggs, milk, flour, sugar, vanilla, baking powder, salt, and cheese.

Then she got to work.

**Chapter 11-Unneeded Pity Isn't Necessarily Unwanted Pity. **

…

Hidan stumbled into the kitchen angrily "Where the fucking hell have you been?!"

He stopped abruptly, though, when he saw Ino had set the table for two, and was bringing over a huge stack of pancakes to where a large plate of eggs already was.

"Good morning!" She chirped, setting down the pancakes and taking a seat, "How'd you sleep?"

Hidan stared at her, wide eyed.

Finally he snapped out of it, "Fine." He said.

"Good. I did too! Thanks for giving me the bed last night."

"Whatever. Don't get used to it. Seriously."

Ino ignored him and just smiled "Come on! I made you breakfast!"

Hidan glared at her, "I don't need your fucking pity."

"Fine. More for me!"

He quickly sat down, grabbing the plate of pancakes before she could.

"I didn't say I don't WANT it."

She giggled. "Okay. Dig in!"

They ate in silence for a long time, Ino's fake smile gradually fading.

Eventually, Hidan spoke.

"Just so you know," he began, "I hate being here."

Ino looked up.

"I hate being a part of this fucking stupid organization. And I hate having to do the leaders fucking dirty work. And I think you get EXACTLY what kind of work I wish I didn't have to do."

She looked down at her plate; she was desperate to hide the tears swelling up in her eyes.

"You mean," she stuttered, "It wasn't your choice whether you killed Asuma or not?"

"Exactly."

He looked at her sympathetically, an emotion she'd never seen in him before.

"How you cared about him… the respect you all had for that one person…" he looked down, almost ashamed, "it reminds me of how I am with Jashin-Sama. The level of respect…"

He reached out, taking her chin in his palm, tilting her face up so he could look directly into her eyes. "I really never wanted to take someone like that away from you. If I didn't have Jashin-Sama, I just don't know what I'd do…"

She couldn't hold them in any longer. The tears began streaking down her cheeks.

He held her there, in his hand, neither speaking for a long time.

Eventually, she pulled away. "I don't need your pity."

"No," he said slyly "but you WANT it."

**Chapter 12-The Fucking Idiot Gets Beaten Half To Death Everywhere He Goes**

…

Since that morning, Ino realized she understood Hidan much better now.

They were very similar, even if she didn't want to admit it.

She smiled, brushing her hair as she heard him come into the room.

But when she turned around she gasped.

He was covered in blood again, and staggering back and forth. "DAMNIT!" he cried, "This fucking hurts!"

She ran into the bathroom, grabbing a towel and soaking it in the bucket. She quickly rang it out, and then rushed back to his side.

He sat on the bed, hand covering the large gaping whole in his chest where his heart should've been.

Slowly, she tried to wipe some of the blood away.

He violently grabbed the wet cloth from her hands, "Gimme that!" he said, slapping it onto his wound.

Blood splattered everywhere.

Wincing slightly, she backed up and walked into the bathroom.

Once inside, Ino began to wash the spattered blood off of herself, all the while she heard loud cursing from the other room.

"FUCK! THIS HURTS LIKE A BITCH!"

Rolling her eyes, she decided to try and help again.

"Need anything?" she asked almost sarcastically.

"Yah." He said, panting, "Get Kakuzu."

Knock.

Knock.

Knock.

(PLOT NO JUTSU!!!!!!!!!! OKAYYY SORRY ABOUT THIS NEXT PART! I KNOW KUZU IS DEAD BUT I LOVE HIM SO DAMN MUCH I HAD TO BRING HIM BACK XD LETS JUST SAY THIS: HE HURD HIDAN WALK BY SWEARING AND HE JUST HAD TO COME BACK! WHY? WELL IF UR A HUGE YAOI FAN LIKE ME, THEN IT'S BECAUSE DEY HAVE UNFINISHED BID-NESS 3 3 BUT IF UR NOT THEN HE CAME BACK BC HE NEVER KILLED HIM. AND HE WAS ALWAYS SAYING HE WULD. SO ONE HEART WAS JOLTED BACK TO LIFE AND SO HE WENT INTO THE NEAREST VILLAGE, COLLECTED 4 MORE, AND WENT BACK TO THE LAIR, K? YAY! I CAN'T MAKE A FANFIC WITHOUT THE EPICNESS OF HIDAN AND KAKUZU'S BITCH FIGHTING. ITS JUST NOT POSSIBLE! ANYWAYS WHERE WAS I? OH YAH!)

Kakuzu opened the door "What is it?"

Ino looked up at the tall masked man.

He was really frightening, especially this close up.

"Um… well…" she stammered "Hidan said he needs you, so I--"

"Damn it!" Kakuzu interupted, "THAT FUCKING IDOT!"

He pushed passed her, and walked heavily and steadily down the hallway and into Hidan's room, Ino close in his footsteps.

Once inside, he glared at Hidan "Must you get beaten half to death every single place you go?"

Hidan gave him a sharp look "Obviously you asshole." he said sarcastically, "NOW SEW ME BACK TOGETHER GODDAMNIT!"

Kakuzu sighed, "Fine."

Immediately, tentacle-like black threads crawled out of his sleeves.

Ino watched in horror as they sewed the hole in his chest shut.

"Thanks." Hidan said once his injury had been sealed off.

Kakuzu turned and left "Don't bother me again. Or I will kill you, Hidan,"

Putting his hand against the wall, Hidan attempted to stand up, still staggering, even though the flow of blood had stopped.

"No!" Ino yelled, rushing to his side, "You're in no condition to stand yet!"

Hidan scowled "I thought I already told you. I have to do fucking dirty work for the leader."

She froze. "Oh…"

"Yah. It's not like I fucking WANNA do it, I just have to."

"Wait." She said, "At least let me use some medical ninjutsu to heal your wounds a little first."

He looked at her in shock. "Holy shit." He thought, "even though she knows what I'm about to do, she still wants to help me?"

He sat back down and she smiled, setting her hands gently on top of his chest.

"Thanks." He said.

"You're welcome. But don't get the wrong idea. I'm not doing this because I WANT to either."

He raised an eyebrow.

"I'm a medical ninja. It's my DUTY to help those in need."

"Right." He said, "Like you don't care at all…"

"I didn't say that. Now just try to be more careful, okay?"

"I would if I could." He grinned slyly "I'm just a bad boy, baby."

She stifled a laugh "Suuuure."

**Chapter 13-An Unexpected Interference**

...

Choza raised his hand signaling the others to stop behind him.

"What is it?" Inoichi asked impatiently.

"Shhh!" Shikaku pointed at a tall man in a swirly orange mask leaning against a tree about 20 feet from where they stood.

They all just stared.

Eventually, the masked man approached them. Shikamaru discretely took out a kunai, ready to defend himself at anytime.

Little did they know that really wasn't necessary.

"Hiyas!" The man said, "My name's Tobi! I'm a good boy! Wanna play a game?"

Inoichi eyed him angrily "MOVE OR I'LL MOVE YOU GODDAMNIT!"

"Tee hee!" Tobi said, "You remind Tobi of a little kid too!"

"Damn it Shikaku let me kill 'em!"

"No. You must remain calm. This is clearly an act, don't you see? He has on the Akatsuki cloak. He's obviously not as weak as he wants us to believe he is."

"On the contrary!" Tobi giggled, "I'm not strong at all! Tee hee! Tobi's just here because Hidan-Senpai told him to be!"

He did his best impression of Hidan, making his voice lower and slower "Tobi," He said, "fucking make yourself useful for once. Seriously. Go guard the headquarters."

He smiled behind his mask "Tee hee! Tobi's being good and listening to orders!"

Choza rolled his eyes and Inoichi glared. "So are you gonna let us pass or not?"

"Not!"

"Then I'll just have to move you!"

"No! Let's evaluate the situation first!"

"Shikaku's right, Inoichi! Calm down!"

"No! My daughter's life is at stake!"

Amidst the quarreling, Tobi just starred. "Wow" he thought "what a tantrum!"

Eventually, Shikamaru raised his voice above the angry Jounin. "We'll go with formation B!" he said loudly, "Choza take left with Shikaku, Chouji and I'll take right, and Inoichi take up the rear!"

Shikaku turned to his blonde friend, a warning tone in his voice. "Follow it exactly or we'll all die. Don't… get… cocky."

Inoichi rolled his eyes "Yah yah! Let's just go already!"

Shikamaru sighed. "Fine! On the count of three! 1…2… 3!"

**Chapter 14-A Transvestite To Remember**

…

Back inside the Akatsuki head quarters, it was lunchtime. Ino and Hidan sat down at the table with everyone else. But something wasn't right.

Someone was missing.

It was, Ino realized, Deidara.

"Where is he?" she asked Hidan, who seemed to have noticed too.

"Why would I know? He's probably playing with his fucking Play Doh or something."

Ino giggled.

Just then the door swung open, to reveal a scantily dressed Deidara.

He was wearing a red, floor length dress, black height heels, red lipstick, mascara, (badly applied) blush, and red nail polish.

His hair was done up in a fashion as similar to Ino's as he could make it, placing his ponytail in the back of his head instead of on top of it.

"Hi Hi!" he said in a high-pitched voice.

He walked over to the table, shaking his hips from side to side.

"My name's Ino and I'm a girly girl!" he said, "I like ponies and rainbows and flowers!"

Hidan swung his head back laughed loudly, Kisame hit the table hysterically, and even Itachi couldn't help smiling a little.

Ino's eye twitched.

Deidara shuffled over to Hidan and batted his eyelashes. "I looooove you Hidan!" he said, "You make me sooooo happy! Your totally smexy! If you didn't have such a big creepy crush on Jashin-Sama I would totally date you!"

Hidan stopped laughing immediately, and Ino burst out with a spurt of hysterical giggles. "HAHAHA! BIG CREEPY CRUSH ON JASHIN-SAMA! HAHA!"

Deidara batted his eyelashes again.

"YOU MOTHER FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!" Hidan jumped to his feet grabbing Deidara by the front of his dress "IM GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU, ASSHOLE!"

"CALM DOWN HIDAN! I was just joking! Un! Take it eas—"

"IM GONNA FUCKING RIP YOUR GOD DAMN HEAD OFF AND—"

"MIND TRANSFER JUTSU!"

Ino's limp body fell over onto the table, and Hidan slowly released Deidara.

"Sorry about Hidan," Ino said through his body, "he's just really defensive about Jashin-Sama."

"I can see that." Deidara walked away and took a seat next to Itachi.

The Uchiha glanced at him, and his cheeks swelled up. "Hold it in Itachi!" he thought, "Don't laugh! Don't laugh!"

"Hi hi Itachi! I'm Ino! PINK PONIES!"

Shit. "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

Itachi… was… LAUGHING!

**Chapter 15-Boom Goes The Sharingan**

…

Formation B didn't work.

For that matter, neither did Formation A.

Once, Shikamaru caught Tobi in his Kagemane no Jutsu, but he de-materialized and vanished into thin air, only to re-appear 10 feet behind him giggling, "You fell for it! Tee hee!"

Shikaku fell onto one knee "this…" he said, "is futile! We can't beat him! So we'll just have to find a way around him!"

At that, Inoichi darted forward, past Tobi, and onto a tree branch.

"Hi again!" The masked Akatsuki member was directly in front of him again.

"HOLY SHIT!"

A startled Inoichi fell back onto the ground, staring up at a waving masked man.

"This is fun!" Tobi laughed, "Who's next?"

Choza took a cautious step forward, but Shikaku held his arm out in his path.

"It won't work." He warned, "You'll only waist time."

The blonde Jounin got to his feet again, "I'll get him with MY Jutsu!"

He raised his hands to his forehead.

"NO!" Shikaku screamed, "IF YOU MISS YOU'LL BE USLESS FOR AT LEAST A FEW MINUTES! WE'LL NEED ALL THE HELP WE CAN GET!"

Inoichi scowled. "FINE!" he called out, "then I'll just have to use OTHER means of hurting him!"

He took out 10 shuriken from the pouch around his waist. One was on the tip of each finger.

He looked at Tobi smugly. "I wonder which is faster," he said, "your Sharingan or my throws."

He flung them one at a time at his target in a continuous motion, his long blonde ponytail whipping around as his body moved.

"Here's one!" he called out as he threw them, "TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT!"

"Woops! HA! Whoa! That one almost got me! Tee hee! Ooh! Whoa! Oh my!"

He was dodging every single one.

"NINE! TEN!"

"Oh! Sooo close!" His voice was almost mocking.

This time Inoichi took out 8 kunai, holding each between his spread fingers.

"YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY THIS TIME!"

He began flinging them towards Tobi.

"ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE!"

"Tee hee! Woops! Whoa! Oh! Wee!"

"SIX! SEVEN!"

"Woops! Ha!"

Bringing his hand behind him, he flung the last knife with the most power he could muster, his hair moving violently around with his arm.

"EIGHT!!!"

The kunai was fast. Faster then all weapons before it. The sheer force from Inoichi's throw was leading it straight ahead at a mileage most ninja couldn't even see.

But the Uchihas have the Sharingan.

"Missed me!" Tobi ducked backwards, letting the knife skim right above his head.

"Not quite."

"Eh??"

Tobi's bent-back head turned towards the kunai.

There was a paper bomb tied to it!

Inoichi smiled, "boom."

**Chapter 16-Don't Be An Idiot**

…

After that scarring dinner, Ino was actually happy to be back in Hidan's rat-infested room.

He was still sulking on the bed when she came in.

"Oh come on!" she said, "You can't really STILL be mad at Deidara, can you?"

"Damn right I can! I WORSHIP Jashin-Sama! I don't LOVE him!" Hidan deliberately shuttered.

"God…" Ino said, sitting down next to him "learn how to take a freaking joke."

He looked at her angrily.

"Besides," she continued, "he mocked me too. But as my dad always said," she lowered her voice and puffed out her chest, "if ya can't laugh at yourself, ya can't laugh at anyone!"

Hidan couldn't help but smile.

"Yah." He said, "I guess you're right... DAMNIT!"

She smiled back. "I usually am."

**Chapter 17-Supirior Intellect OWNS The Sharingan**

…

The dust cleared, and Tobi was still there, waving and smiling.

"Tee hee!"

Chouji stared, "OH…MY…GOD." He said, "THIS GUY'S, LIKE, FREAKIN' IMMORTAL SHIKAMARU!"

His best friend sighed. "Cover me, Chouji." Then he screwed his eyes shut and put his hands into his thinking position.

There was a long pause.

Eventually, his eyes flashed open.

"I got it!" he said, and the rest of the team turned to give him approval.

"Great job, Shikamaru!"

"Nicely done, son."

"Hurry up and fucking tell us, boy!"

He sighed.

"Listen carefully: this plan requires the utmost care and precision."

He turned to Inoichi, "If we fail, there's a likely chance we'll die."

Chouji gulped.

Shikaku was the first to reply, "alright." He said, "Huddle up and tell us!"

"Psst! Psst! Psst! Psst!"

"Uh huh… uh huh…"

"Okay!"

"Got it?"

"Yup!"

"LETS GO!"

Tobi cocked his head, "Ready to play some more?"

Shikamaru extended his right hand towards his best friend. "Something like that."

Chouji looked at him, then reluctantly reached into his satchel and pulled out a chocolate bar.

Tobi's eyes lit up behind his mask.

"OH MY GOD!" he cried out, "Is that… CARRAMELL??"

Shikamaru nodded. "Mhm."

Tobi jumped down from the tree and ran towards him "WOOPIEEEEEE!"

Just as he reached out his hand to take the bar of chocolate, Shikamaru tossed it to Shikaku who said "You'll only get this bar, if you let us pass."

"ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! JUST GIMME! GIMME! GIMME! GIMME!"

After turning to Shikamaru who nodded briefly, Shikaku tossed the bar to Tobi.

"YAY!" He ripped open the tinfoil, shoved the chocolate under his mask, and began to eat it.

The group past him by, now on their way towards the Akatsuki headquarters once more. The building was nearly in sight.

As they hopped between trees, Chouji let out a soft whimper followed by a sniff. He could still hear a faint "NOM NOM NOM" in the distance as they left.

*AWS! POOR CHOUJI :( REVIEW PLEEEEASE!! AND SORRY ABOUT THE POOR SPELLING I DON'T REALLY EDIT…AND I USUALLY WRIGHT AT ABOUT 4-7 IN THE MORNING SO MY GRAMORS PRETTY OFF TOO… SORRY BUT REVIEW ANYWAYS!! THANKS YOU!!!!*

**Chapter 17-Assasination at Dinner**

…

Ino glared at Hidan "This REALLY isn't right." She said, "Sleep with one eye open mister! Because tonight you just might just wake up with out balls."

Hidan raised an eyebrow "Try anything," he said, "And I WILL fucking kill you. Jashin's gift or not. Seriously.

She scowled "Yah yah yah! You just wait 'till Shikamaru and Chouji get here! They're probably out looking for me right now! And when they get here you'll get your ass kicked!"

She paused before realizing something, "AGAIN!"

A little smile curved up his lips, "Right." He said, "You just keep thinking that."

Ino looked down at the dress she was now wearing. She would even prefer her earlier, red slip dress to this. She grimaced.

Her new dress was black, and floor length. That part she didn't mind. It was the STRAPPLESS and SUPER LOW CUT parts of the gown that made her feel like she was a prostitute in a bad 1950's movie.

"I can't believe I have to go out to dinner…" she said "with you… sick lunatics!"

Hidan faked a hurt expression, "Hey!" he said, "We prefer the term, 'SSS' thank you."

"SSS?"

"Yah! Super Sexy Psychos!"

"That's SSP you idiot!"

"Well the P sounds like an S!"

Ino scowled. "Fine. I just don't see why I have to wear THIS."

She glanced down at herself. "It's so… so… slutty!"

"That's the point. You're supposed to be a fucking Jashin-ist, remember? So you've gotta look gothic and exotic and shit. Besides," he looked her over, "I kinda like this look on you."

She quickly folded her arms across her chest "I'll thank you to keep your eyes OFF my breasts!" She did have to admit to herself, though, the dress did make them look good.

A rat scurried past her feet.

"This room is so gross!" she said.

"Thanks for noticing the fuckin' obvious. Seriously."

"No, I mean, if you have to live like THIS…" she glanced around, "...then how the HELL can you afford a dress like THIS and a suit like THAT?"

She looked him over. He was actually pretty damn hot. His glossy silver hair was sleeked back like always, but his usually bare chest was covered in a plane black tuxedo with a crimson red silk tie. He wore suit pants, and shiny black shoes. And for once, his close were blood-free. Not a single sign of murderous intent was visible, save for the gleam in his violet eyes that ALWAYS looked evil.

Hidan smirked. "Kakuzu just killed the royal advisor for the fucking futal lord yesterday." He said, "we're gonna be rich for the next damn week!"

Ino's eyes widened.

"What?" he asked incredulously, "You already knew we were bad people. And besides, we have to get our money SOMEWHERE you know. Being an S-class missing nin doesn't pay as much as you'd think it would. Seriously."

"Whatever. I still don't see why we have to eat out anyway."

"Because we have a fucking assassination planned. The lord of the Land of Waves is visiting, and eating at a restaurant tonight."

His smile broadened, "So we made reservations for the same place at the same time! We're gonna pretend to be fucking eating there and when we get the signal,"

He tilted his head to reveal a small wire headset in his left ear.

"BAM!" he yelled, throwing his arms in the air above his head. "AND WE KILL EM!"

"And why do I have to come too?"

"It's simple."

Ino looked at him expectantly.

"Because I don't trust you alone."

"Fair enough. I probably wouldn't stay anyway."

"I figured as much."

Hidan walked over to the door and opened it for her. "Plus," he said, "I really DO like the outfit. Seriously."

"Well, you're not half bad yourself…"

"I know it."

**Chapter 18- A Plant-Eat-Girl-World, Eat Or Be Eaten**

…

It wasn't fair.

This whole thing wasn't fair.

"Why the HELL do I have to be stuck with…" Ino shuddered as she thought this last part, "THEM!"

She glanced over at Zetsu.

"What a pretty girl." His white side said, only for his black side to respond immediately. "Yes. She is quite breath taking, isn't she? Too bad we haven't eaten her...YET."

Hidan scowled at them when he saw sweat dropping down Ino's face. She was nervous. No, she was TERRIFIED.

"Forget it!" he said, "Nobody's gonna fucking lay a finger on this girl besides me! So fuck off!"

Kisame eyed Him, raising one eyebrow. "Oh." He said, winking "I see how it is."

Hidan immediately realized his mistake of saying something that could be interpreted as inappropriate among a group of men who hadn't had a date in years. And I do mean, YEARS.

"I didn't mean it like THAT!" He yelled, growing red in the face.

"Geez! What a bunch of fucking perverts!"

Ino giggled.

But the uneasy feeling was still there.

She turned to glance at Zetsu again, who was still looking at her, licking his lips, his fixated gaze more ominous then ever.

His black side was the first to speak, followed shortly by his white side.

"We're higher in the food chain." The first said,

"And far stronger." Black Zetsu added.

"Right." His white side replied, looking again at Ino.

"SO GET IN MAH STUMACH ALREADY!!!"

Ino stifled a small squeak as Hidan jumped up from his seat and grabbed Zetsu's collar.

"I FUCKING SAID TO STOP IT ASSHOLE!"

Mangekyou Sharingan!

Suddenly Hidan dropped Zetsu back in his chair, and stood starring at Itachi.

To Ino, it just looked like they were having a starring contest to see who could go without blinking the longest for about 2 minutes. But eventually Hidan Gasped and sat back into his chair, next to Ino, shaking.

Itachi sat back down between Kisame and Kakuzu. "We're supposed to be under cover." He said, "Don't… draw… attention to us. Do you understand, Hidan?"

He just nodded.

Kakuzu was startled. Hidan NEVER shut up and he NEVER listened to orders.

"What'd you do to him this time?" he asked, genuinely curious.

"Nothing you need to know about."

Then Hidan opened his mouth to speak, still trembling.

"Seven-" he stuttered, "s-seventy two hours of Barney!"

Ino's eyes widened as he grabbed fistfuls of his hair, violently shaking his head.

"NO!" He said, "He does NOT love me! We're NOT a family! I am NOT loved! I AM NOT LOVED! NOT LOVED!"

Ino rolled her eyes while Itachi smirked.

"NO BARNEY! We are NOT in love! I AM NOT LOVED! I AM NOT LOVED! NOT LOVED!"

Both sides of Zetsu flashed a triumphant grin, "And don't you forget it, bitch."

**Chapter 19-Akatsuki Game Plan For Dummies**

…

Ino wiped her mouth on her napkin.

"Please just kill them and go." She whispered to Hidan.

"I would if I could. Haven't gotten the fucking signal yet."

She rolled her eyes.

"Fucking leader is fucking useless…" the young Jashin-ist mumbled.

His left eye twitched as a loud "I CAN HEAR YOU, HIDAN!" was easily heard coming from his ear.

Kisame stifled a laugh.

"Whatever." Hidan said, embarrassed. "Can we just get this fucking thing over with already?"

"For once I agree with Hidan." Itachi said, "This is taking up valuable time."

"Yah! This place is boring! Un!"

"Shut up or I'll kill you all. I can't concentrate on counting my money with all your bickering."

"Screw you, Kakuzu! You're already fucking ancient but the rest of us aren't getting any younger here!"

"One of these days I WILL kill you, Hidan."

"Right grandpa."

"SHUT THE HELL UP!"

"OW! THAT WAS MY EAR DRUM PEIN! YOU ASSHOLE!"

"Listen," The Akatsuki leader's voice lowered, and Ino strained herself to hear him.

"Directly behind Zetsu is the table you are to target. Their leader, the Lord of the Land of Waves, is getting up from the table right now. Konan slipped him a drug in his drink, so he'd have to head for the restroom."

Ino looked behind the over-grown plant.

A thin man in a black waiters suit stood there, holding a tray with 7 whine glasses on it. The man had short blue hair, and a paper rose was tucked into a pocket on his left breast, where a real one was usually put.

"I see." Ino thought, "She used the transformation Jutsu to tu—"

"OH MY JASHIN! That's fucking hysterical! She made him piss!? HA!"

"Shut up Hidan!" Peins angry voice retorted, obviously annoyed at being interrupted over something as immature as Hidan's potty jokes.

"Anyway," he said, "Hidan, you are to follow him in there, and make this quick. I want it to look like he died of a heart attack, understand?"

"Yah. Piece of cake."

Hidan rose from his seat and stalked after his prey.

**Chapter 20-Rinnu**

…

Just then a small women in a similar outfit to Konan's walked over to their table.

She looked about Ino's age, and her short, red hair was tied up in a messy bun, held together by 2 chopsticks.

She had bright green eyes, and a thin body.

She looked so innocent. Ino could tell she wasn't a Ninja.

Not only that, she had no battle experience at all.

The woman then placed a plain glass of water in front of each member. It momentarily stalled their plot.

"Hello," she said, "My name's Rinnu and I'll be your server this evening. If there's anything you need, please let me know."

She looked at Deidara who was eyeing his water skeptically.

What she didn't know, was inside his head, he was trying to figure out if he could blow up water. He liked blowing up ANYTHING.

To her, though, that scrutinized expression on his young face made it look like he found it unappealing.

"If you don't like plain water," she suggested, "then would any of you like some LEMON in your drink?"

"No thanks," Ino replied politely.

Kisame scowled. "Damn it, you stupid fan-fic writer! SHADDUP ALREADY!"

(NO CAN DO, KISAME XD I ADDED HER FOR THAT!!)

When the redheaded waitress was gone, Pein continued.

"Now," he said, slightly annoyed at the delay, "Kisame will take out the rest of the table with one fowl swoop of Samehada, while Itachi uses his Mangekyou Sharingan to trick the rest of the restaurant into thinking nothing's happening. We want as little interference as possible, after all."

"Sounds easy enough, un."

"That's not all. If it was he wouldn't need all of us here."

"Kakuzu's right. I need the rest of you too. There's a high possibility the group we're targeting has hired enemy ninja for protection. Chances are, they're here right now. Once Itachi casts his Genjutsu, look for the ones who release it. Also, this place is mainly for rich thugs. Many high-class criminals are bound to be here. So I need you, Kakuzu, to find any and all wallets, items, and PEOPLE that are worth something. And since so many criminals are here, at least one or two are bound to be ninja. Zetsu, eat any and all that get in our way. Does everyone understand?"

"What about me, un!"

"You have a special job, Deidara."

The blonde raised one eyebrow.

"Once we're done here," Pein continued, "You're going to get rid of all evidence that we're the one's who've been here. Understand what I mean?"

Deidara smiled "ART IS A BANG!"

Ino twitched uncomfortably. "What about all the people?" she asked, "They're all… they're all just going to… die?"

"As I said before, this isn't a nice place. And the people aren't either. It really doesn't matter if they die. They're just common criminals. Even the high-class thieves are weak and useless. We have information on everyone in here right now, including yourself. The only one without a criminal record is our red-headed waitress."

He let out an unnerving chuckle, "She's just here as a way to earn some extra money for her family."

Ino's blood ran cold. This man… he really didn't care what happened to that innocent girl? What a monster! Hidan seemed like a SAINT compared to him!

She shuddered at the thought.

Then Pein cleared his throat.

"Besides, we need to destroy all the evidence. Sacrifice is necessary in order to obtain peace."

Deidara's grin widened at the word "destroy".

Ino sank down into her chair.

And Kakuzu muttered to himself sarcastically. "Ha. 'Sacrifice is necessary to obtain peace'. Why do I feel I've heard THAT line before…"

Pein hissed.

"What ever." Ino said, "Just make it quick."

Itachi glared at her. "Go wait outside." He ordered.

"What? Why!"

"Because you're too weak to handle this. You'll only get in our way."

"I will no—"

"Leave. Now."

Ino scowled and stood up violently from her chair.

She spared one last, sympathetic glance at the small waitress, before heading out the front door.

"He said almost everyone in there is a criminal…" She thought, "ALMOST everyone."

And she felt her stomach drop as she pictured the explosions, and the faces of all those unsuspecting people as they died.

Those people had families. They had homes, and jobs, and lives. Lives that were just going to be taken away so easily…

In particular, she felt bad for Rinnu.

All those people had families, yes, but unlike those thugs, that girl didn't deserve to die.

She felt something warm and wet slide down her cheek and fall off her chin.

"No," she thought, "they can't ALL die."

**Chapter 21-A Good Heart**

…

"Are you sure it's a good idea to leave her alone?" White Zetsu asked, "Yah." His black side answered, "She wont do anything stupid. She knows we would catch up easy. And then she'd be in for it."

His comments were ignored.

"Ready…" Pein warned, "GO!"

It was a bloody fight.

Kisame cut up the men at the targeted table like they were paper in a shredder.

Loud crunching noises could be heard as Zetsu bit off the heads of his prey one after another.

Meanwhile, Kakuzu's threads scanned stealthily across the floor, occasionally crawling up a body, snapping it's neck, and taking it's wallet and valuables.

Sometimes, he would pull his kill back to where he sat, and tuck it under his arm with the rest of the men and women with bounties on their heads.

Needless to say, blood was splattered everywhere.

The fight was easy, though. It was mere child's play to Akatsuki. But a mission is a mission. So everyone put their all into making this one a success.

So one noticed when Ino re-entered the building.

And no one realized it when she gagged Rinnu and dragged her outside.

No one even noticed when she slammed the door behind herself.

No, they were far too absorbed in what they were doing to notice that young girl with a good heart, doing something she wasn't supposed to, simply for the sake of another.

But, then again, she IS a Konoha kunoichi after all. I mean, what did you expect?

**Chapter 22-KATSU!**

…

Do-kun!

Do-kun!

Ino's heart beat loudly in her chest.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? PUT ME DOWN! NOW!"

The small woman on her shoulder was angry.

"I can't! Not until we're a safe distance away from that place!"

"WHY THE HELL NOT!"

"BECAUSE IN A MOMENT THAT RESTAURANT IS GOING TO FUCKING BLOW UP!"

Rinnu wanted to ask the blond girl if she was insane.

She wanted to scream and kick and bite until she let her go.

But she didn't.

Something so serious it was sinister lay in Ino's eyes.

Something that told the young waitress her kidnaper was right. That building WAS going to explode.

She didn't know whether to be grateful or scared.

"Go!" Ino shouted once they were at a safe distance, putting the girl down.

"Why? Aren't I safer with you, a ninja?"

"Just trust me!" Ino said, "I'm with the people who are blowing that place up! I have to go back with them, too. If they find out I saved you, they'll be pissed! They'll kill you!"

Her eyes got big. "If you're with them, why'd you save me?"

"Long story." Ino said, "In short, I'm not like them. I don't kill the innocent. I protect them."

Neither said anything for a while.

Finally, Ino spoke again.

"Just go home, okay?"

"Y-yah." She turned to leave, "Thanks." She said.

"Don't mention it. I'm a ninja. Remember? That's what we do."

They smiled, and stared at each other for a while.

Then…

"KATSU!"

A large mushroom cloud filled the sky, and the white clouds turned a crimson red.

Rinnu shielded her face with her arms, and Ino turned around to watch the explosion suppress back down to the ground, and into just a dulling fire.

"You were right! It really did explode!"

"What'd you expect? Now get going! I have to get back there."

The redhead nodded. "Alright!" she said, then turned and ran off.

On the way back, Ino felt happiness for the first time that night. Even when she was part of an evil group, she still did something good. And for someone other than herself!

Maybe… Just maybe… she'd be okay.

**Chapter 23-Drugs and Sex**

…

Upon return, this is what Ino saw:

-A fat Zetsu

-A laughing (in a REALLY creepy way) Hidan

-A money-counting Kakuzu

-A smiling Kisame next to an emotional void (the only one who can kill an entire clan without showing emotion, any guesses who?)

-A now female Konan

-And a… a…WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!

Lying on the ground, panting and laughing, was Deidara. His hair was messy, and his legs spread wide. (FAN-SERVICE XD UR WELCOME)

He was short of breath, and a quiet, hysterical burst of laughter escaped his lips every few seconds.

"Un! *PANT* that was awesome! Dude, un!"

Kakuzu looked up from his money and corpses. "This is like sex to you, isn't it…?"

"HELL YES! UN! And it's addicting like drugs! IT'S A WHOLE FREAKING PARTY! UN!"

"YOU FUCKING FREAK!"

"Shut up Hidan! I'm an ARTIST! Un!"

"Art doesn't feel good you fucking retard! PAIN DOES!"

"PAIN? A masochist like you couldn't possibly understand TRUE art! Un! It's a BANG!"

"You're fucking insane, you know that, right?"

"SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU OR I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Kuzu, don't fucking start that shit again. Seriously. We all know deep down you're just pansy! A fucking GAY softy! And you—OW! STOP IT! ASSHOLE! Get you're threads out of there! NOW! OW! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

Konan covered Ino's under-aged eyes.

"Hawt."

"Shut up Kisame."

"What?"

"Don't play innocent. Hn."

"Fine. But Itachiiiiiiiii?"

"What is it now?"

"You wanta try what they're doing?"

"MONGEKYU SHARINGAN!"

To Ino, it just looked like Itachi was having another staring contest for about 2 minutes, then Kisame blinked. "Oh man dude! What a ride!" Everyone's eyes got really big.

No one made a sound save for Itachi. Who mumbled under his breath "Do you see now, Sasuke? These eyes are good for more then you know."

**Chapter 24-Back At Headquarters**

…

They were within a mile of their base when Kisame yelled "STOP!" and everyone froze in their tracks.

"What the fuck is it?"

"I smell Konoha. At OUR base."

Ino's heart dropped into her stomach.

"How many?" Itachi asked.

The blue man sniffed the air. "Five. Not including Tobi."

"I can eat that many all by myself! Don't be ridiculous, we just ate! So? I'm still hungry!"

Hidan glanced over to Ino, and saw the terrified look in her eyes.

"Uh…" he said, "Let me and the girl handle it. I want revenge on Konoha, and it's nothing we can't handle alone."

"Very well." Itachi replied, "Don't keep us waiting."

"Thanks for that." Ino said, as they dashed through the trees. "Don't mention it, seriously. It's about time those fuckers showed up anyway."

"Yah. I guess…"

Hidan stopped.

"This is far enough." He said.

"What do you mean?"

"You're gonna go and meat up with them. I'll tell the others we won, but you didn't make it. So it'll be fine."

"But—"

She couldn't find the words she wanted to say. This was unexpected.

She'd thought over every possible way not to end up fighting against one side, but this… she'd never even CONSIDERED this.

"But what about your 'revenge'? You told them you wanted—"

"I fucking know what I SAID! But it's not worth it. Besides, it's not like those fuckers are worth sacrificing to Lord Jashin-Sama anyway."

"Wow. That's ALMOST nice."

"Don't push it. I'm not a nice guy, got that?"

"Sure. Whatever you say, Mr. Big-Macho-Masochist-Man."

They both exchanged smiles. Then Ino turned to leave.

But he caught her arm, and spun her around, and into him.

Her eyes were wide as she stood there. She was KISSING an AKATSUKI!

Finally, Hidan broke off, and she scowled.

"You're the bad guy!" She said, "And I'm a good guy! A ninja from Konoha! A flower-selling, innocent young girl! AND…"

He raised an eyebrow

"AND THIS IS THE LAST THING I NEED TO HAPPEN RIGHT NOW!"

He grinned his signature, handsome half smile at her. "You're right." He said, "Neither of us NEED this." He paused before continuing, "But that doesn't mean we don't WANT this."

Then that silver haired Jashin-ist dashed back into the trees from where he came.

And Ino starred after him, speechless, until he was out of sight.

Then she turned and headed back to the base. Back to where her friends were eager to see her. She'd tell them-she decided-that she was kidnapped but escaped. Yes, that was a good plan.

Her mind was racing as she neared the Akatsuki headquarters.

That place, that even for a short amount of time, was her home.

She could see Shikamaru and Chouji racing towards her. Behind them, were Shikaku and Choza. And in the lead, crying out in excitement, was her father.

"INO!" Inoichi yelled, and she returned his call. "DAD!"

Yes, she'd be happy home again. And no one had to know about this. Not her friends, and not her family. No, it would be her little secret. After all, life was just getting interesting. And that... well, was EXACTLY what she wanted.


End file.
